Korean Kids: When does "Good Nature" start?

Korean Kids: When does "Good Nature" start?

Now this concern had been bugging me for quite a while. While most foreigners are amazed with how Korean people treat their elders with so much respect, how families always come first, how the disabled and the pregnant women get seats in the subway and the buses; it amazes me how Korean children seem to not know these simple manners.

From The Metropolitician (through Kushibo), i just got another confirmation of this particular expression:

Just this once.

Situation is very different from the one i am about to vilify.

In case you didn't know, I have two kids. My son is 4, and my daughter is 2. And since we live in a three-generation house, my job had been considerably lightened, and equally tougher. The situation i have here at home might be different from most Korean kids, but as they are being raised in three (3) different parenting styles, i am hardpressed with consistency. There the problems would arise.

My son can get away with murder, and i could just hear the stupid reasons in Korea:

1. He's just a kid, let it go.
2. Just this once.



If we were in another country, it would be the parent's fault. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. Or what had this boy's parents been done over the years and they didn't see this one coming? Does this kid have parents? The typical castigation when a KID IS A SPOILED BRAT, is ACTING OUT and is ROTTEN TO THE CORE.

Here goes...

Earlier this month i was offered a full-time post. The job is teaching children aged 7-17. No details yet, as the director can't really speak English (surprised?) and i am being subjected to a test by my academic coordinator: handling kids in my adult classes.

Five reasons why you can't mix kids with adults.

* The degree of conversation is different, regardless if their levels were the same.

** The ideas that are being thrown with kids are mostly conditionals and speculations. Do it with adults and you're screwed.

*** The curriculum approach is not as fun. Children's classes need to be colorful, warm and friendly.

**** Silly jokes VS sarcastic jokes VS PG 19. You have to talk nice with kids.

***** The usual conversation is not appropriate with teenagers.


In short, if you threw colorful jokes when there are high school and middle school students in the class, you'd see the uncomfortable looks and hear nervous laughs from everybody. If you used a material that has a childish approach, the adults will go: "what on earth was she thinking?!" Needless to say, the kids on my adult classes were complaining. Why are my classes always an hour and not 50 minutes? Why do i consider the other students and not just teach when the clock strikes TIME (i usually give a ten-minute leeway for the latecomers)? It's boring (and that's a first to me), and it's not as fun as the adults describe it. The adults on my class are having fun with the silly banter between me and the other high school brat that i have. He keeps on throwing oxymoronic comments or questions mixed with heavy sarcasm that irks me. As a result: i offered the other adults in my class to join my other class with the same level, wherein the amount of learning and fun has an equal amount. I don't know if they will, but I'm hoping that they would.... or my job is on the line because of a couple of brats.


Another teacher in school has the same problems. He's not Korean, so his approach with kids are different, and somehow, we have the same assessment: the kids here are troubled. PSYCHOLOGICALLY.

For all we know, half the students have ADHD, and yet the school keeps on feeding them sweets and sugar-filled snacks. Children are naturally hyped-up power balls, and to sugar-rush them is plain SUICIDAL for our part. (The kids are jumping on the window ledge!!!)

One adult class handled by a Korean teacher had the same problem with a middle schooler. Her complain: the class is too difficult. And she's the ONLY ONE complaining.

Another teacher i know is currently handling elementary school kids and one of her students is acting like a know-it-all because the other kids are not "good enough" to her standards. She complains to her mother, and mother complains to the teacher. Teacher's angry because that student is one of the slowest in the class. I'll tell you how it ends if you want to know.

It's not the first time i have taught kids, or high schoolers. It's not my first time to encounter children in classes, or troubled kids to be under me. But somehow, the "Korean way of thinking" had always gotten under my skin.

"Just this once."

Before accepting the job offer, i had to look around the children's classes. I get the stampede, i get the screaming and running before the bell rings. But i don't get WHY the students had the GUTS to walk out of the class to play in the corridor, or in the computer. HOW they can just go out when they feel like they want a drink, or when they want "fresh air" or something. WHAT disciplinary actions does the school have? A timeout? A detention-like room? Calling their mothers (and that can do what...?)? Apparently, there's no way for us to "discipline" kids who are not following school rules.

No offense to ther parents, but the Korean parenting style seems ridiculous to me. With the Korean way of thinking.

"Just this once."

My son is a well behaved boy... WHEN he's with JUST me. My daughter has the same quality. But when grandfather's around? I see transformation similar to Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. No exaggeration. Ou discipline methods are soo different worthy of North and South Korea difference.

The Korean kids that i have met, the students under the Korean teachers, the children i saw in the Kindergarten and the playground, somehow had forgotten how to "do" basic manners.

Okay... sure it's okay to share the cookies that we brought in the playground, but WHY ON EARTH would these kids be DRINKING on my children's juice bottles with their mothers watching because i'm the only one with food stuff while playing. I had to wipe their noses while it drips because i'm the only one with wipies (not my job, i know, but i was grossed out!). They're playing with my kids, after all.

Beside the point: i was watching them interact on public. The kids won't even follow their mother. And threats flying left and right, with public spanking. If i were to spank my kids, i'm not to do it in public. It's humiliating.

Toddlers are never easy to control, but i did my job. I can control them, except when their father or their grandparents are around. When they both start to act out, my husband threatens to "call" me. Then they know party's over. I really am their authority figure. However, if i start scolding my son about something REALLY unacceptable after a fair amount of warning, his grandfather comes to the "rescue" and tells me i should not scold my son. I should be talking nicely all the time.

Same goes with Grandma. SO i threw back these questions.

"So i should just watch and ask nicely why he's trying to kill his sister?"

"So he should just spit on the floor?" (was upset, then he spat)
** response to this one: just this once. don't do it next time... and three minutes later he did again, and the same reaction: just this once. (shoot me!!)

"So he should just yell at me because YOU told him that he can?"

FYI: I'm their mother. It's my job to ensure that they will go out to the society with proper upbringing. And the Korean way is not working.