Funny Alcohol Quotes 2011

Funny Alcohol Quotes 2011

Here are some funny quotes on alcohol, not the chemistry lab kind but the drinking kind, but of course you only expected that :)






I think a man ought to get drunk at least twice a year just on principle, so he won't let himself get snotty about it. ~Raymond Chandler




One reason I don't drink is that I want to know when I am having a good time. ~Lady Astor






When the wine is in, the wit is out. ~Proverb




No animal ever invented anything so bad as drunkeness - or so good as drink. ~Lord Chesterton

It takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.
~George Burns

I never turned to drink. It seemed to turn to me.
~Brendan Behan


Even though a number of people have tried, no one has yet found a way to drink for a living. ~Jean Kerr


We borrowed golf from Scotland as we borrowed whiskey. Not because it is Scottish, but because it is good. ~Horace Hutchinson





A man ought not never to get drunk above the neck. ~Author Unknown



If you wish to keep your affairs secret, drink no wine. ~Author Unknown


They speak of my drinking, but never think of my thirst. ~Scottish Proverb


Bacchus has drowned more men than Neptune. ~Giuseppe Garibaldi


A woman drove me to drink and I never even had the courtesy to thank her. ~W.C. Fields


I feel sorry for people who don't drink. When they wake up in the morning, that's as good as they're going to feel all day. ~Frank Sinatra


Without question, the greatest invention in the history of mankind is beer. Oh, I grant you that the wheel was also a fine invention, but the wheel does not go nearly as well with pizza. ~Dave Barry


Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with, that it's compounding a felony. ~Robert Benchley



I envy people who drink - at least they know what to blame everything on. ~Oscar Levant


Beer is the cause and solution to all of life's problems. ~Homer Simpson


I'm going to be around until the Atomic Energy Commission finds a safe place to bury my liver. ~Phil Harris

I drink only to make my friends seem interesting. ~Don Marquis


Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors... and miss. ~Robert Heinlein


I am not a heavy drinker. I can sometimes go for hours without touching a drop.
~Noel Coward

I only take a drink on two occasions - when I'm thirsty and when I'm not.
~Brendan Behan



Drink the first. Sip the second slowly. Skip the third.
~Knute Rockne


Candy is dandy But liquor is quicker.
~Ogden Nash


Wine gives courage and makes men more apt for passion.
~Unknown


Instead of warning pregnant women not to drink, I think female alcoholics should be told not to fu*k
~George Carlin


Cigarettes and coffee: an alcoholic's best friend.
~Gerard Way

Alcohol may be man's worst enemy, but the bible says love your enemy.
~Frank Sinatra



Life's a waste of time, time's a waste of life so let's all get wasted and have the time of our life.
~Author Unknown


Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.
~Phyllis Diller



Not one man in a beer commercial has a beer belly.
~Rita Rudner

I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
~Winston Churchill



When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.
~Henny Youngman



I have taken more out of alcohol than alcohol has taken out of me.
~Winston Churchill




How come if alcohol kills millions of brain cells, it never killed the ones that made me want to drink?
~Author Unknown